"Giving space to others – and to yourself – is vital. Love cannot flourish without it." ― Eckhart Tolle
Introduction | Essential Elements | Shared Values | Keeping Love Alive | The Benefits | Watch Out For | Final Thoughts | Takeaway Points | References | Disclaimer
Introduction
The human need for connection is what drives our relationships. Romantic relationships, however, satisfy both the need for bonding and the need for procreation. As a result, their stability and longevity are critical. Building and sustaining a healthy relationship that will last a lifetime requires a solid foundation. Sharing values, fostering good and transparent communication, and spending sufficient quality time together are all excellent predictors of relationship success.
The essential elements of a healthy relationship
A healthy romantic relationship should exhibit certain characteristics that contribute to its success and longevity. It should recognize the importance of:
establishing healthy boundaries. They handle all facets of your life, including emotional, physical, sexual, and other factors. Having these in place allows your partner to better understand you and your needs. It also makes you feel more at ease and safe.
good communication. Communication skills that improve the quality of our relationships include our ability to express how we feel and what we need, as well as actively listen to what our partner has to say.
trust and respect. The foundation of trust is honesty and reliability. Being able to talk to your partner about the most sensitive issues, as well as showing up for them and their needs, can create the deepest sense of connection. Furthermore, respecting our partners' boundaries and accepting them for who they are strengthens their trust.
maturity and emotion regulation. Understanding how our emotional state impacts us and others around us is an important part of maintaining a successful relationship. It is also a mature trait that helps us accept responsibility for our position in a relationship.
active effort and work. It is no secret that maintaining a long-term relationship involves a significant amount of time, effort, and commitment from both partners. However, it also points out the work we need to do to further develop and grow as human beings. The concepts of self-improvement and ongoing development are all crucial to our own needs as well as the objective of being a good partner.
The importance of sharing the same values
As two people become more acquainted, they learn what they like and dislike, as well as their common interests. Having this information about your partner is beneficial because it highlights commonalities and makes life much easier. These factors may appear to be sufficient for establishing a healthy relationship. Many people believe that finding someone who shares their interests will make them a great partner for the rest of their lives. When we delve deeper into what truly makes a relationship last, we discover that the values that both partners share, the vision for their lives, and how they achieve their life's goals determine the longevity of their partnership.
According to the Brittanica dictionary, value is "a strongly held belief about what is valuable, important, or acceptable'.
Values vary from person to person. This is why it is critical to find someone who believes in the same things you do. If you are a family person who envisions your future as a parent and homemaker, make sure that the person you are with thinks the same way. A successful relationship requires solid foundations and goals that both partners want to achieve.
Relationships in which the partners have opposing values and aspirations in life will fail. But before that happens, they will cause an accumulation of frustration and negative emotions. Learning early on what your romantic counterpart values and strives for can help you determine whether the time you invest in the relationship is worthwhile.
Some examples of values that are important to many people include:
Family. Discuss with your partner details regarding family planning. Is this something both of you want? How many kids would you like to have? How quickly would you like to start your family? etc.
Trust has already been mentioned as an essential element of a healthy relationship. No relationship can last if one or both partners are not trustworthy. If you do not trust someone, there is no opportunity to establish a real, deep, and meaningful connection. Talk about trust with your partner.
Time. Finding time for one another is known to strengthen a relationship. If you are committed to your partner, you need to pay attention to their needs and spend time together on a regular basis. Discuss how, when, and where you would like to spend the time together.
Lifestyle habits. Our lifestyle choices can influence our relationship. If you smoke and your partner is against smoking, you may encounter a big problem. Similarily, if one of you loves to travel or party often and the other one doesn't, you may become fed up with their choices. Speak with your partner about your lifestyle habits and the activities both of you engage in.
Money. This topic can cause a lot of stress in a relationship. Sharing your financial situation with your partner and providing details on your income, debts, and expenses can paint a clearer picture of what kind of future you can allow yourself to plan. Also, find out about their attitude toward money, how having kids will affect your income and expenses, and how you will approach it from a financial point of view.
Religion. Learn about the religious background of your partner. Find out how important religion is for your loved one. Match it with your own views and perceptions.
How to maintain the loving connection?
Falling in love happens fairly unintentionally. It is filled with euphoric feelings, with our partner becoming the center of our lives and us becoming more accepting of our love counterpart's little flaws. This last characteristic is referred to as the suspension of negative judgment[1]. However, the romantic stage of love isn't permanent and, with time, transforms into feelings of attachment.
"[Attachment is] a feeling of happy togetherness with someone whose life has become deeply entwined with yours’."[1]
This transformation also changes the way we perceive our relationship and our love partner. We begin to look at things more objectively. We notice the imperfections and small annoying habits that our brains previously disregarded. Such things can shake up the relationship, especially if they are not well communicated. But there are also things we can do to make our love last a long time, despite the things that life and circumstances throw at us.
To strengthen the romantic connection, incorporate the following:
spend quality time together. Plan weekly dates or schedule regular activities that you and your partner can share and enjoy.
try new things. Explore new activities or travel if both of you like it. Exposing yourselves to novel experiences deepens the relationship.
talk things through. Do not let problems pile up. The sooner you resolve them, the better for your mental well-being.
stay respectful and open-minded when having a disagreement. You are not trying to win a battle, but rather find a compromise that both of you are happy with.
communicate your feelings, worries, likes, and dislikes. Do not expect your loved one to guess what is going on in your mind and heart. Be transparent about your thoughts.
These strategies can help bring back the sparkle that was naturally there when we first fell in love. Nurturing the connection and keeping the bond between two partners alive and strong makes it easier to overcome life's difficulties. A partnership built on a solid foundation can weather many upheavals and last a lifetime.
The benefits of a healthy relationship
Being in a loving and committed long-term relationship fulfills our needs for happiness, belonging, and connectedness. These elements can be interpreted as fundamental necessities of human existence. But the benefits of having a lifelong partner stretch far beyond these three characteristics. A healthy relationship can impact other aspects of our health, including:
better mental well-being. People in supportive relationships are less likely to experience depression[2][3] and anxiety symptoms[4][5]. Furthermore, being in a healthy relationship positively affects self-esteem[6][7] and life's satisfaction[8][9].
physical well-being. Having a loving, lifelong partner is known to lengthen our lifespan[9][10] and boost our immune system[11][12]. Additionally, healthy intimate relationships can reduce the risk of developing CVD[13][14].
A healthy relationship based on trust, mutual respect, and shared values alleviates feelings of loneliness and social inadequacy while also increasing one's self-worth. Having a loving and caring partner can provide support, safety, and acceptance.
What to watch out for?
Much has been written about what we should look for in a partner in order to form a long-term relationship. However, there are some aspects of human personalities, habits, and beliefs that should raise red flags and potentially disqualify the person from being a good partner.
Lying. A person who lies, deceives, and is dishonest frequently makes it difficult to trust them. If you catch your partner telling you lies, do not wait to address them. Do not accept lies, as they cause cracks in the foundation of your relationship.
Jealousy. Excessive jealousy and controlling behaviors can quickly become destructive. They disregard the very fundamental value of trust.
Narcissism. Narcissists are self-centered, demand appreciation and admiration, and lack empathy. These traits are destructive to their relationships.
Physical and mental abuse. Healthy relationships are supportive and empowering. Abuse is destructive to the psyche and the body. It stands in complete opposition to what a loving relationship stands for.
Lack of a circle of friends. Not having friends may indicate a difficult personality. Such a person might be overbearing, a poor communicator, or someone who does not know how to compromise.
Being emotionally unavailable. A person who does not allow others to get close to them, shuts them down, and keeps everything to themselves is a partner to avoid. Unfortunately, having a deep and meaningful connection with such an individual is impossible.
Furthermore, behaviors such as gaslighting, poor communication, lavish spending habits or refusal to pay for a date, codependency, and attempts to reduce the frequency with which you see your friends and family should raise red flags about your partner's intentions.
The comfort, sense of belonging, and love that come with being in a good relationship are indisputable. Any form of expression that harms your physical, emotional, or mental health violates that definition. Finding a genuine connection can be difficult, but it provides far better life prospects.
Final Thoughts
Falling in love does not require any special preparation or skills. Staying in love, however, may pose more challenges for many couples. Nurturing the connection and bond that brought us together necessitates intentional engagement from both partners. Recognizing the importance of good and transparent communication that incorporates both listening to what our loved one is saying and expressing what we feel is one of the core and fundamental elements. It brings understanding, builds trust and respect, and helps establish boundaries in a relationship.
In addition to communication, the amount of time that we spend together and its quality play a big role in how strong our connection is. Planning regular dates and activities and engaging in novel experiences that both partners enjoy will benefit and consolidate any relationship.
Lastly, do not ignore any red flags that the actions or words of your romantic partner trigger. Address them immediately and take action.
Takeaway Points
Healthy relationships need to be based on shared values to thrive.
Healthy boundaries, trust and respect, communication, emotional maturity, and putting effort into a relationship all contribute to its success.
Spend quality time together and expose yourselves to novel experiences to maintain the love connection.
Being in a healthy relationship has emotional, mental, and physical health benefits.
Do not disregard any behaviors, words, or actions of your partner that cause unease or mental or physical harm.
References
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